FUCKING FOR FREEDOM
Hannah Woods
I fell down a billion times
Tried to fix myself,
Tried to see the light between the lines.
Tried to find the signs.
I hate myself for being who I am
Hate myself for not being who I wanna be.
Keep on pushing my limits
And overstepping my boundaries
Stay in comfort yet not in zone,
Not in tone
Keep on punching myself in the face
My blood is dripping down
A Lake full of disapproval
Tears fuck I cried so much,
I can’t even sweat anymore.
I am empty yet so fed up.
Emotionless yet driven by hate
Keep on contradicting myself,
I am walking the wrong way,
Waiting for guidance
While I quietly disappear, into my own fear.
What about fate?
Last week I stuck my fingers
So deep down my throat
Like his dick was inside my mouth
Keep on pushing my head down
I don’t only give head, I give dignity.
I tried to throw up all the shit I’ve swallowed
When I was down
Down on my knees
Living reality backwards, instead of taking it all in,
I’m pushing it all up.
It’s not sad it’s a release
But you wouldn’t understand…
I hate being me
So I get to show myself
How it feels to be hated
How many times
I told him no, no I told him no
I don’t want this,and they all don’t believe it.
They just don’t listen.
And it’s my fault right?
It’s my fault that I misunderstood
Horror movie equals
I’ll fuck you
Because my mouth says no
But my eyes yes
So it’s not them
That cannot read
It’s me that cannot speak?
Why should I fuck for free,
If free means being someone’s property?
Why should I fuck for free,
If free means selling myself?
Just because no means yes
And yes is what they want and
They want me?
No matter what I say,
No matter if I feel or don’t
I am cheaper than a whore
I gain nothing from it
Just another Name on the list
That has no meaning to me.
I’m in pain because
I’m playing the game
I try so hard to follow the rules
That when I lose I
Lose control.
Hannah Woods moved to Amsterdam from Germany to work, write poetry, and spend time with her grandfather, poet Eddie Woods and then decided to stay and study at AMFI. Her work focuses on femininity, the power of sex and what we do with it. She shares a message of sexual empowerment and feminism with fashion and poetry as a medium. Her sweet facade masks a sardonic voice, both fresh and wise, and she regularly reads for and contributes to Rough Night Press. She has also read at Ruigoord and Zaal 100 among other places. You can find her poetry here: theyfuckjustlikeus.tumblr.com
